Sports are great. Usually. I guess. The only one I ever really got into was volleyball, and I loved it. I tried track and field during elementary school, but I’ve never been super excited about running. I’m either just really sucky at it, or I’m just lazy. Maybe both.
Probably both.
I also tried soccer briefly, but I hated it. Hated it. I’m a terrible goalie. Like, absurdly terrible. It just can’t be possible how awful I am. And that’s what I would tell my team.
“You guys, I’m a terrible goalie. If you want to even have a chance of winning you should let someone else be goalie. I’m good at defense. Let me be defense.”
“Let’s make Emily goalie,” they’d say.
“Oh God no,” I’d shake my head sadly. “You’re making a mistake.”
“Just don’t let the ball get to the net. Simple.”
No. Screw that. The best part was whenever I missed a ball and the other team scored, my team would get mad at me. Whatever. I don’t know how I could’ve been any clearer to them about how badly I sucked. The only thing I liked about soccer was tripping people who got in my way.
Sports are great.
Tripping people is even greater.
It's Usually the Quiet Ones 